Again I find myself playing therapist for my friend who recently miscarried. I used Eat Misery's Blog as proof for her that what she is feeling is normal. Her mom keeps making her feel like she should just "get over it". I can't believe how cold her mother has been about this. Actually, I believe it entirely because I know her mother... Her mother and I hate each other, and with good reason. So I'm trying to explain to her that what she is doing is grieving, that she needs to just relax and let herself feel what she's feeling.
And I need to just relax and let myself feel what I'm feeling. The anxiety, the nervousness, the impatience. I'm on edge right now, waiting to find out if our chosen donor's std testing comes back clean. I'm terrified it won't come back clean...
I fear we'll turn into the lesbians in the opening episode of "The L Word" just asking any and every male they know for sperm.
Fear. Seems I've been using that word a lot lately.
When this friend got pregnant she sent a not-so-nice message to her ex, who is also a "friend" of mine, saying "obviously the reason we couldn't have a baby was you, because I'm pregnant now." Last week he came into my store and childishly informed me that the day of her miscarriage was "the giddiest day" of his life. If I hadn't been at work, I would have hit him. I know she said some bad things to him... but to be HAPPY because someone miscarried? Miscarriages are so common, and yet people who have never experienced one just don't get it. They can't get it. Which is frustrating... A few days before she realized she was having a miscarriage I had lectured her about the fact that she should have waited to get pregnant. I still stand by that. She has no job, no driver's license, and lives with her emotionally abusive and controlling mother. But I also feel guilty for the timing on that discussion.
I just can't believe he said those things. The idea that he could be HAPPY about her miscarriage... the he didn't feel the slightest bit of compassion for her, or her child...
I'm babbling. I'm exhausted. I'm going to go curl up with my wife...
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All of my posts that dealt with my miscarriage were written straight from my grieving heart. I am so glad that you were able to use those to console your friend. I documented all my feelings not just for me, but for the thousands of other women who were/are in the same boat I was.
ReplyDeleteThank you for doing that. We are never alone.