Insemination

We have the book "The Guide To Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth" and it talks about setting the scene for at-home insemination. Incense, candles, music, whatever you want. I purchased Patchouli incense today for this purpose. Patchouli is a scent I really love, it is tied magickally to women's secrets and fertility, and it's a very relaxing scent so it's one I think will work really well for this process.

I'm just a hippie at heart, because the whole candles, incense, music thing really intrigues me. Every conception is different. One night stand or wedding night, it's all different. We have an opportunity that heterosexual couples don't always get. We get to choose the genes we want to pass on, we get to choose the timing, we get to choose the location of conception. We get to choose the environment for conception. There have been times I've been overwhelmed by all the choices we get to make, because there are so many choices. But if I stand back and look at the big picture, we're lucky. And creating the perfect environment for insemination is just one more way we are lucky.

I've said since we first discussed the possibility of a baby that I will decide it all, as long as I am medically allowed. Did I mention I'm a control freak? Obviously if there is something wrong it will be out of my hands, and I will have to trust doctors. But as long as I am capable, I will be deciding. I have a friend who had a baby a couple of years ago and when I asked her, "Do you plan to get drugs, or go natural?" she said, "I thought the doctors would decide that?" This conversation was a week before her baby was born. She hadn't educated herself on her childbirth choices at all. When I told her that should be her decision she said, "Why?" I, on the other hand, am a researcher. I've read everything from detailed descriptions of c-sections to at home births. I've even read accounts of women purposely giving birth alone in the woods (which is way too scary for me to even comprehend). I've read about women who have orgasmed as the baby was born, and some women actually believe that if the mother holds onto that concept, it is perfectly natural. The quote I read was "you start the pregnancy that way, why not bookend it?" I've watched more videos of births than I care to remember.

I don't know exactly what I want yet, but I'll have nine months to decide on that. I do, however, know what I want for our insemination process, and have started collecting things. The one thing I can't find, that I really want, is some sort of small sculpture that represents family. I want some sort of abstract, primitive statue of two people with a baby. Most of those statues distinctively show a male and a female, but I've seen a few that were very androgynous. I want to put it at the head of our bed while we're going through this process. Kind of a symbol of the family we want to create.

It's all symbolic with me. I will wear the right jewelry, the right oils, drink the right teas. All in hopes that the gods will see what I'm planning and lend their support. I can be a very superstitious person...