It's my body. I am aware of it's cycles. To others it may seem like we're just waiting for a donor, just waiting for the right timing... to me it's another month we've passed. Another ovulation that amounted to nothing. Another wasted egg as we wait for a donor.
Our donor who said yes hasn't gone for his testing. I'm honestly not sure he will be our donor. My instincts are telling me he's having second thoughts about it... I'm hoping to catch him online tonight to talk about it. It's so much easier to talk about some things when you aren't face to face. I'm a writer by nature. For me everything comes out better in writing than it does out loud.
I'm just angry lately. I'm tired. I feel very alone in this process. C doesn't share my body, she doesn't know when I'm ovulating, and how it feels to know we've just passed another opportunity without any chance of a baby. She doesn't understand. She may want a baby, but it doesn't matter when she ovulates. It doesn't matter how her health is. It's not up to her to do the charting to figure out the optimal timing for insemination and all that...
If he is having second thoughts I hope he says something very soon because I want to move on to our next choice... Waiting puts me in a VERY bad mood...
The girl took us out for ice cream tonight. She's so amazing and understanding... I don't know how I would handle these emotions if I didn't have her.
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