Yesterday

I babysat a friend's 3 year old yesterday. He's a very sweet child, but a handful like any other 3 year old. When we were at the grocery store I would step back a step or two to grab something and as I stepped back to the cart he would put his arms out for a hug every time. He and I played here for a few hours while I did some housework. We made chocolate cupcakes (which means I made cupcakes while he chased the cats around with any household object he could get his hands on). And, of course, we went to the park for awhile. His mother kept jokingly saying that he may turn me off from wanting kids altogether.

Completely the opposite. He confirmed for me yesterday that I want a child. Not only do I want a child, I want to be a stay at home mom. Or at least only work part time. I don't know that we can do that. C says she'll find a way, because she wants nothing more than to give me everything I dream of. I know she wants to do that. But I don't see how we will do it. Today's economy and society do not encourage stay-at-home-mom's.

On top of that, the feminist in me sometimes screams at me for wanting that. I think of the movie "Mona Lisa Smile". Julia Robert's character can't comprehend why her student would want to be a stay at home mom, and why she would give up law school and a career for children. To me it makes sense. I don't want to give up my career, but I want to be home with my children. And, at the moment, I have a job not a career. Photography is my career, and it's not enough of a career yet to support me. I suppose my goal should be to make it a career. When we have a house I hope to have the space for an in home studio, which would put my work as close to my child as possible.

I suppose that what yesterday confirmed for me was that I need to make my dreams of a photography career into a reality. I like to be home during the day. I enjoy cleaning my house. I enjoy sorting and folding laundry. I enjoy creating meals for my family.

After the child went home C's niece, her niece's husband and her nephew all came over for dinner. Just after they left my sister, her boyfriend and my 7 month old nephew stopped by. We had a full house from 6:30am until nearly 9 pm yesterday. I loved it. I was exhausted, but I loved it. I gave each person that stopped by a cupcake (food is love) and I enjoyed making a meal for the family members who were here at dinner time. I fell asleep at 9:30 last night. But I fell asleep feeling accomplished and more satisfied with my life than I normally do. To me, yesterday was perfect. Yesterday was exactly what I would love to spend the next 5 years or more of my life doing.