Now that we'll be actively trying to get pregnant I'm very uncomfortable with how many people know that. If I could have I would have avoided anyone besides C, the girl, the donor and myself knowing that we'd started trying. But that just didn't work out... I needed someone to get me syringes and couldn't bring myself to pay for them when I could get them for free. I have a friend who works with wildlife so I asked her to give me some. Unfortunately, that meant telling her when we would need them... She came over today and immediately asked if I'd bought a bunch of pregnancy tests so we were prepared. -breathes- Oh, and that friend lives with two of our other closest friends... And we all work together...
I feel like everyone is going to be watching me, waiting. Looking for signs of pregnancy. Bad enough that I'll be doing that! I don't want everyone else to! I have miscarried once before and because of this I don't really want to tell EVERYONE the minute we find out we're pregnant. But people are going to be looking for signs, because so many people know we're trying.
I'm also nervous about when we are pregnant, and when we do tell people, how that is going to go... With people who knew me when I swore I would never have kids... With family members who don't approve of my marriage... This won't be the happy announcement it should be with everyone... With most people we know it will be... but not everyone. And some of the people it won't go over well with are people that really matter... even though I don't necessarily want them to matter, they do.
Just feeling a lot of pressure today, I guess... Feels like it's all on me right now... -sigh-
I miss feeling like the strong, together one. I just feel so weak, out of control and scattered lately... I miss having someone rely on me instead. What was it the girl said? I just need a distraction...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Although everyone is going to be looking for that sign, and miss reading some, it only means that they are just as excited as we are. These friends loves us and are relying on you, relying on the hope that two wonderful people they know will have a chance to raise a child. Someone new to the world that we can influence and raise as a wonderful person. These people rely on us to do "the right thing" when our child misbehaves. To relive their own time raising their children. To give and receive advice from them. Mostly they rely on us to be a happy family. Not so bad or difficult to do...
ReplyDelete